Walmart warehouse worker
They tell me to take a pee test
and i ask if weed counts
they say it does
i piss in a plastic cup
fill up a hollow Spongebob
i get the job anyway
Videos about forklifts and garbage compactors,
a blonde model in a blue vest
ordering me to ignore union spokesmen
she says, I know that Walmart is my family
and they care about me.
Why would I need a union?
i lift 30-pound boxes from shelves
while standing on a ladder
i shoot at prices
i make prices
i blend into aisles
i am a bottle of stool softener
Coworker reeks of impending death
6 years younger
and 16 teeth less
16 inches thinner around the waistline
a studded belt
she sticks to me
i overhear blue vests throwing boxes to one another, like tennis but meaty
Jim broke his arm last night, one says
he’s gonna get disability now; he’s made it, the other says
i'm scared to break my arm
break a leg
i get a story published in the Washington Post
about pee tests, weed tests
thanks Walmart for this
literary leg
this inspiration from a blue hell
Wow, you've really made it, they say
i'm living on two timelines
which one is the lie?
which one is the truth?
both and both i think,
only one person knows i work at Walmart
they see me drunk
in the hot tub drowning in bubbles
to heal my aches
drowning in bottles
to calm my shakes
as the sun burns my temple
like holy water to a vampire
We see our always-slurring neighbor
downing a bottle of peppermint schnapps at 10:50 am
wincing at the harsh sun streaming down on him staggering,
telling us he’s en route to a job interview at Chipotle.
Crime writer
Finally, i can Google
and Google hard
serial killers, mass shooters, cannibals, corpses
moms who kill their sons, sons who kill their moms,
people who stab
the one they (claim to) love
in the back
people who shoot
their spouse in the head
i get paid for it,
and have an excuse
in case anyone checks my searches
being sick is my job now, thank you very much
researching the most disgusting animal of all is my life’s work
though sometimes i wish i could submerge instead of skim
My (retired) boyfriend
who owns 15 guns
half of which are machine guns
tells me to stop
please for the love of nature, full stop
stop watching those shows
about murder and death
and listening to those podcasts
with men giggling about blood gurgling
please, when you’re not at work
stop looking at the grotesque
No
no, it doesn’t affect me
no, it doesn’t disturb me
look outside, don’t you see the spiders weaving webs and cats fighting over a dead rat
when they have Fancy Feast at home
and hands to pet them
hearts that love them
stop acting like this planet doesn’t have zits
and you’ll be less disturbed by
all of it.
Purchase Employment here.