In My Baddie Era
In my baddie era, I was a force.
After my first divorce, I wanted to know what it felt like to be admired.
I didn’t just glow up—I became an abstract.
I joined Tinder and got 10,000 likes in three days.
I got so much attention it overwhelmed me.
Women wanted to hang out to elevate their social capital.
Men wanted to hang out to, well.
But I guess I didn’t realize at the time that admiration is shallow and fleeting.
I’d never felt that before; sure.
But the feeling I was looking for was love.
Maybe I didn’t believe I was worthy of it.
So I built a beautiful, impenetrable fortress.
Only a few people ever got close enough to hear the truth:
My outsides didn’t match my insides.
Yes, I can speak the language of venture capital and Ivy League networks.
Yes, I can look like I have it all together.
But I’m still just a nerdy girl
who grew up on a farm
and has known deep heartbreak.
Maybe next era I’ll get to experience love.
Sphere of Influence
But love?
Love doesn’t obey effort.
No matter how much I’ve been told it’s conditional
or performative,
it never was.
Love is out of my control.
Those who should love me—don’t.
Those I love—leave.
Those who claim to love me—
do so with terms.
