I was convinced I would die. A lone cig, maybe three gin spritzes, benzodiazepining into extinction. Ativan.

“When we were young, we had momentum. We were winning. We were best friends. Everybody seemed to care more. Everything seemed to matter more back then.”

~ Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)

On

The pain reminds me: I am here. I am real. I matter.​​​​​​​

It is only for an hour or two that I get to panic about pregnancy before the blood starts.

Michelle understood my frustration. She diagnosed Peter with “terminal vagueness” and agreed it wasn’t my job to financially support him.

Hoarding is bad and it’s equally bad when all that indie music doesn’t hit the spot anymore

Did I want to fuck her? Or did I want to be her?

It’s the question everyone asks but I’ve never felt it until now.

We shouldn’t have become friends. Everything about our separate lives suggested we wouldn’t meet—me in the comfort of my sunny Los Angeles home, framed by blue skies, and Frank confined by barbed wire

The hamster was actually a mouse. We were calling a lot of things by the wrong names back then.

Silly’s hands were tangled in his hair. His gaze snapped back to mine. “You didn’t hurt me, Elle. Not at all.”

It was the summer of 2018, and I had just returned home to California from Italy, where my relationship exploded after we had lived together for only four months.

Perhaps this is why trans people crave romantic love with a curdling, obscure undercurrent of self-doubt, of rage.

After three flights, two chicken buses, and a strange bout of illness, I arrived in El Nido, a small backpacker nest at the far edge of the Philippines.

why does it feel so much harder to see something happen to someone else than have it happen to you?

I’ve been on a lot of dates. I don’t consider myself an expert, but I can tell you how to get asked on a second: be as mysterious as possible, ask as many questions about the person as you can, let

I was sitting in a coffee shop I used to go to. This was in Bangkok.

Prompt

# Tasks

Write a breakup text.
End relationship as clearly and concisely as possible.
Express disappointment, but be vague.
Make it clear that no further contact is desired or

While trying to sleep, I abandon the sex fantasies and imagine the feeling of being held by another. They’re soft and accepting and faceless, one of the pillow-folk from the Ringling Museum.

This story’s about a trip. It’s a strange word. Trip. As a noun, it means a journey or excursion, going somewhere and returning, especially for pleasure, or to stumble or fall. It’s also the word used

'It's a Catch-22 situation,' she said contentedly.

And I thought, 'Fuck this shit into tiny, tiny pieces.'

The winding roads were scattered with sneakily merging lanes and work-ahead signs. This would have set my head in a whirl if I weren't driving. We spotted sage, turquoise, and navy blue hues on our

fell into two traps—both of which I later found out were common coping mechanisms for those of us heavily affected by COVID isolation: a toxic relationship and belief in astrology

Then there he was, the cowboy whose name I forget, but remember as tall and lank and dressed in slim dark jeans he’d tucked into his boots unembarrassed. Having grown up in Texas, I understood everything about him in an instant on a level the British girl never could.

There’s more than one way to conquer & that’s to be conquered.

I.

I started hoarding cash.

I needed about fifty dollars that could not be traced back to me, so I stashed bits here and there: $3 change from the ice cream shop, $4 paying for a round of