My aunt willed me a cuckoo clock. It’s the clock I ran to watch every hour after school, waiting for the bird to pop out, the cuu and then the coo while she taught singing lessons in the
Monster
The Loch Ness Monster Had A Baby! the front cover of the supermarket rag says and we scream and scream and scream THE LOCHNESS MONSTER HAD A BABY and we are so happy and we say WE
Editor’s Note:
The following interview was sent to Hobart unsolicited and un-pitched. It was also un-emailed. I was sent it through the mail, and it was the only file on a 3 ½”
The Elders rented a two-bedroom unit in Building 16. The office staff knew Harv and Jean from their numerous complaints. Marvin Gardens, located just five minutes from the university, sold
Patterson Thorndike is Dead
Patterson Thorndike was dead. What was Dresden supposed to do with that information? He felt a flush of shame, twice. First for remembering every time he’d
Fitzhugh was there for the convention. Marcy held out a brochure which he took, then on his third lap around the hall, he asked her to dinner. Over better-than-average calimari, he told
In the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, Stacy conveyed a secret to Maureen as the two dined together in the food court at the downtown mall. They sat overlooking a rather obtrusive
In a city with little meaningful work, he pays for non-services, pays to be shown things he’s already looking at, for instance, or things he’s not interested in looking at. He pays a guard to
“Whoever invented almond bark is a genius.” The microwave beeps and my sister grabs two oven mitts off the counter. She stabs the door latch on the microwave and pulls out a glass measuring bowl
At the hospital where my father is dying I meet an orange man. His skin is the exact color of a Clementine. He breathes from a tank that he carts around with him. “Hello kiddo” he rasps at me from
To begin with, you must drink. Drink and drink and drink until your thirst is satisfied but of course your thirst is never satisfied. If you swallowed the whole ocean your thirst would not be
You pop your cherry on top of a cliff at sunset, with a rainbow shooting from the roof and a cream soda tingling in its can on the dash. He is named Nick and he’s totally unreal. You neck for an
The first time I got in trouble for telling the truth it was a Monday when I was seven and my teacher asked us what we had done over the weekend. I told her that I’d spend it in bed with my dad
Bridget stands close to the speakers, too close, feels the bass of them pound through her chest, a drumbeat, a makeshift heart. Owen stands next to her, tall pine, a foot above her. She feels the
He was on the TV again. That pudgy-faced man strutting up and down the stage. Preaching about the downfall of the species. Working himself up again until he got down on the balls of his knees and
Once upon a time, there was a journal called Monkeybicycle. There is, of course, still a journal called Monkeybicycle, but there used to be one, too. And way back when, one of the guys editing that
We'd survived the rope bridge, the dangling, the torn muscles in Miriam's shoulders. We'd survived and dusted off our luggage and laid our fine things in their cabinets. We held open the door
In Russia there are so many Russians! It’s like one of those neighborhoods where a bunch of Russians live, but way bigger. This place is big. It’s like they took a country the size of Russia and
One of the things that initially got me excited about The Orange Eats Creeps, before I had any notion of what it actually would be, was the incredible list of “inspirations” you compiled in
A man on the blue line inbound from Wonderland scratches a lottery ticket. He stands, holding it cupped in his palm like a compass, uses a nickel from wherever. Here is my life, he thinks, flicks
Outside, it’s raining fishes. The clouds are as black as cauldrons and tree branches are collapsing from the weight of all the fish gob-smacking into them, and I’m just thinking something’s gone
The drought has been going on for so long that there's a separate number to call for grass fires. You can't call 911 anymore, so you dial 411 and instead of asking for an address or a phone number,
Is the world ending? Do you know something I don't?
I'm not sure what I know that you don't, but certainly nothing in re this. And yes, the world is absolutely ending. It's just a question of
Jed needed beer. It was late and we had driven by three closed liquor stores. I had a sore throat. I said we should just go to the Walgreens near his apartment.
“Really? You can’t buy
We figure the leaves will find a way back into the house, where they take more than their share of furniture. The smell of ruin and the lack of rain outside has not permeated the house yet. That
Mutiny is the last I remember. being pitched over. only to awaken here. drowning in an Aeron chair. typing my own ransom memo for the corporate pirates who pay me in somnambulistic days.
I am a fifty foot and two inch panda monster. It’s time for my sacrifice. If it’s not there, then it’s time to rampage through the village. I live out in the woods, a deep ancient forest, trees
A waterslide in the middle of the ocean’s a big project. I mean, it’s a pretty enormous project. It was the board of trustees’ idea to situate the thing out in the Pacific Basin, where Canada curls
