Theater of Inheritance
Wrong to say I accept the rough
face of my family. Your father,
so young-looking, your mother
even more. I grew older than boys
around me because I was held
back. She’s not reading, she’s not
developing fast enough. And yet
the five feet of me, the hundred
pounds by third grade. When I salted
my food with water, flooded
the plate, my mother was glad
I could reform my meal to her
pleasures. It was a holiday.
I came back with more to celebrate,
my belly, my bounty. My people
rushed out of cities by ark,
by foot with bread in hand,
by foot and eyes forward or else
befell salt. Befell water.
When I asked my grandmother
if I would blonde with age,
she laughed With age, perhaps.
And knowledge. Little
I was in my knowledge
of my olive skin. There is
a school for that. When I asked
the rabbi if I could not believe
in God awhile, she said
Yes, and perhaps you shall
return to Him. I return
to God with pressure.
How bedfellows perform
duties to claim sainthood:
Get me on my knees to incense
miracles of the body.
Or: Give into a lordship
that has no religion but
the body. My mother cares
too much about my body,
was pleased to see my skin
lighten with less time in the sun.
Yet pounds of flesh: A disappointment.
I claimed myself
a sixteenth century desire, born
in the wrong time. When I told
my mother my lover’s name,
she asked What is he?
If not of blood, then
mirror: I, his
Lilium candidum.
He, my devotionals. And not
my first. Mother, I glory
my deeds: A hundred times
I’ve assumed heaven.
Ontology, One Less Ribbed
What to owe when something necessary
is no longer in need? A man in my bed,
then fragrance, then shadow.
My hand curbs loneliness
awhile. Fat builds its kingdom
at my hips, and is this how you see
me, Lord, your eyes abuzz? Regret me,
Lord, for I shuffle crumbs and animals
alike. Is this what you desired drowned
at the great sinking of the world?
Flood me with want. My bossy
conquerors require butter
and jam, liver delicately spread,
bones and skins where taste
begins.
Begin again with me:
Beg into me an ornament
whose purpose is figlike:
Satiates the eye its hungers.
Then the mouth. Drawls. Manipulates.
Repeats. Repeats and passes down
to dusk. Lord, whose delights crave
naming: A fig is a fig
regardless of season,
yet the leaves, Lord,
the leaves—I clothe myself
in old wantonness
as one dark need
informs another.