Am I scaring you yet? Cold cutting in the storage freezer on your birthday. You caught me sitting on the island trying to bind and rebuke all fears of death in the name of Jesus. It never feels real unless I'm really crying.

I know I'm right. And you’ve always been left. the angel on my shoulder telling me to speak up. raise my hand in class. shoot myself in the head now that everyone’s looking up from the Shounen on their laptops. I imagine you going in on that high stakes coin toss and browse nipple rings. I turn the fan on and put my feet against the wall. You told me to stop spitting water in your face, save up the good karma. You’re always watching through my window, that’s why I'm like this. Look at me,

if I could talk to your friends they would dox my hinge prompts. I dream that I'm you and give birth to myself. I dream we are sitting on the edge of the waterfall celebrating the first day of your sabbatical. You talk about your wife’s new job while I paint a rock blue. One of two

Outcomes where the other shaves me down with no razor, takes my shoes.

If I stay for too long they will strap me to the apparatus and engrave i’m sorry into my stomach.

If I lie down listening to the girl in the next room get loud and mangled

I’ll start to think it’s real. Hold myself accountable for the porn that’s made of it, and all of the porn I make of myself.

Remember, Formula before argument. If I take action I’m paid in two pleasure units and get to kill once as a treat. Just relax. you will never be perfect if you stand completely still.