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I was tucking into a squashed tuna sandwich in 4th grade and I swallowed some of the foil my mother had wrapped it in and I asked my teacher, Mrs. Burnett, is tin poisonous? She told me, I don’t know about tin, but that’s aluminum foil, not tin. We call it tin because it used to be tin, before the War. Now it’s aluminum. It’s fine to swallow. If anything, you should swallow more of it. It’s the most abundant metal in the Earth’s crust. The Godson of the Pope found seven mountains of alum in Tolfa in 1461. The Turks declared war over it. Who would kill for something that would hurt them? Paracelsus called it the salt of a new Earth. Why are you afraid William? Nothing stops time. The Russians sent aluminum back up into space. We live in the Aluminum Age. If there is indeed a civilization living at the planet’s center, the aluminum in the crust probably blocks the electromagnetism from UHF radio waves or from ground penetrating radar. Aluminum protects the little children of Agartha.

Everyone worries about mind control. They don’t need to control all of our minds. Just some of our minds. Do you know why I don’t wear a tunic lined with aluminum? Because the outcome is the same. If the tin was poisonous, it wouldn’t matter. It’s all poisonous, in the sense you mean. Your mother breastfed you? It was a slurry of calcium and lactose and microplastics. You’ve already drank from Their cup. Don’t you see how freeing that is? Don’t you feel so freed? These are not dark tidings. I am a Bodhisattva. The jungle gym is the banyan tree. I don’t let you run through the hallways because there is nowhere else to go and that should be beautiful. That’s what Lao Tzu believed. When he tasted the vinegar, he smiled. This is the Kingdom of Heaven. Do not envy the Fruit-by-the-Foot that Spencer brought. Do not lust after Mariah’s Smucker’s Uncrustables. Tuna is just another emanation from the same place.