3am & we’re here
I taste worse &
worse. I’ll be dreamless by
Christmas. & beyond. Let me wake
up at the wedding with no memory of
anything in my times before or
after. I can’t tell
you anything I saw on
TV this week. Movies by the
minute. I wish I
were Emily Dickinson so I
could be sexy when I
think about death
in my bedroom.
I want to be
your monster. Sweat heavy
unto me. Draw me like one of
your French girls. Drink me like
wine, like how it looks in the
cartoons. Sanguine jelly
juice in a big
old glass. Smoke me like we’re
from a state that doesn’t
allow anything.
Things That Are Happening
People are in the alley outside.
If it was
2004 & I had a
mood ring, it would glow
something like cerulean.
I want dinner &
a drink & their cigarettes that
smell like
party nights at other
people’s colleges. I have choices. I
will cook beautiful chicken in beautiful cloudy wine
sauce or I will go to McDonald’s & eat
everything, filling up now
so I can say I loved myself
once.
Tomorrow I am proposing
to my girlfriend
with as few
words as possible.
That’s love.
Beginning where I end.
You cannot stop
me like how thunder is every
afternoon.
My town is too busy. Because of the sea.
I am not who I was.
I am filled with moments.
I dated a girl, slept under a city, missed
Christmases. I was swallowed. Cried
to my mother on New Year’s, I have nothing.
Found something. Bluish hue
like slurred vowels through
your church windows.
Tomorrow is tomorrow, but
tonight I am alone.
I will watch
movies in the dark or I will drink & walk
until I find use for the smell of ocean
in summer. A place
where the sand will sleep down with me.
Or I will sit &
chase my poems around
in their little circles, trying
to find out if who I was
could ever love what
I almost am, &
if I’m only pretending
I care to know the answer.
July 22
To line my
breaths up with
yours. To drive
all day. Eat dark under
stars. Your hair
down for me, disappearing
beneath the passing
breath of someone
else’s headlights.
Separate us
from morning. From
every moment before
this, like it
happened to someone
else. Mouth like the
moon. Until death,
be excited. Déjà vu
you’ve never had.
The ruinous pleasure
of freshness.
