Much has been said about that smile. I'm not in the business of describing smiles.

Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity, the Sequel, or Part Zilch of Ten Billion, My Entire Oeuvre is this Film, a Mental Disturbance of a Review, 666 Words in Length

Must we insist on doling out movies by the stratagem?

It is 5:30 in the morning. I am standing in the lobby of a midtown Manhattan hotel, judging the distance between me and a planter because I am pretty sure I am going to throw up.  My stomach is in

each pitch lost in the peripheral blink of an eye

I have been to many games at Shea Stadium and I know that this facility’s bar for unacceptable behavior is extremely low.

Let’s start this account of fuckfaces on October 18, 2006. I was 30 years old, recently engaged, in my third year of residency training at Chapel Hill, and depressed about the New York Mets. 

Dear Dicky,
You probably figured it out by now, but I’m sorry I stole the softball.

FUCKING HELP ME

Pauline wanted to correct him. He should have said catcher. That's the one who squats. 

Otherwise you'll end up with a mouthful of husk shards. 

It is the last inning of the last game of a mediocre season for a mediocre team. 

I was twelve going on thirteen when I first saw Stand By Me. I guess that would have made it 1990. As the narrator, Gordie Lachance, says about the first time he saw a dead human being, as voiceover at the beginning of the movie: “a long time ago… but only if you measure terms in years...

Once I googled “Can you bunt in football?”  Answers.com had a helpful “Answered by the Community” reply: “No.”

There are bite marks exposing the bright green flesh of two kiwis in the blue glass fruit bowl.

If I leave rambling, incoherent apologies on your voicemail at four in the morning, is it still impressive that I’ve quit drinking?

Season 6, season finale: Hank Moody attends AWP. Moral tragedy ensues.

I awoke in a forest of yellow
trees. When the air turned cold
they erased themselves.

I’m hoarse and feverish. We sing in the streets, “Feelin’ good was good enough for me, hee hee,” but then the breakfast booth only has two seats.

48 hours after his mysterious disappearance Lowe uploaded the first of many filter-less photographs to come to his, once deactivated and now reactivated, Instagram account. 

[Previously:  Part 10  ::  Part 9  ::  Part 8  ::  Part 7  ::  Part 6  ::  Part 5  ::  Part 4  ::  Part 3  ::  Part 2  ::  Part 1]

Last time on...

I wear a velvet piece to the therapist’s office and she asks me to close my eyes. We agree to experience an illusion of me dancing...

I do not leave
the houses I’ve built, I carry the nails and raise

the walls around me

But this whole thing is wrong. Your hair is uneven around the edges where you cut it this morning. 

She wore a gold necklace that read “Boy Toy” and she stroked it lustily as she spoke. It was the 80s and everyone’s taste sucked. 

Black Phillip says monogamy means convincing somebody they like being controlled.