AJ

he was special

and gigantic

i imagine his hands sometimes when i’m feeling bored

and want to think about middle school

they were fucking huge and could probably seriously injure a small bird

i made him turn off all the lights in the school once

i told him it would be really funny

and it was sort of funny when the whole school went black

he got in trouble and had to sit in the office with the school receptionist until the principal came back from lunch

all i remember is his shit eating grin when i walked by and clapped my hands

Bryan

Eating ice cream straight out of a four-liter pail, listening to Metallica, and wrestling in the backyard were some of his pastimes in 8^th grade. He wore bright orange outfits (mostly swishy pants and tank tops) and he had an affinity for dragons. He had a seriousness about him that made me feel bored or uneasy. I think I remember hanging out at his house in the summer once and he made me go to the basement with him to look at an empty bottle of tequila with some kind of insect in it. His older brother got it from Mexico and I think I was supposed to be impressed when he showed it to me. Who knows, maybe I was.

Ray

i remember the way you used the lyrics to “korn” songs as your msn messenger sign in name

i think one time we talked on msn messenger and you said, “i’m going to go lie in the shower and let cold water drip onto my forehead” and i wasn’t sure what to say

or maybe it was something about bleeding out…

either way, when you added me to facebook years later (when 8^th grade seemed like a huge gap behind us),

you would often “poke” me, and again, i wasn’t able to come up with an appropriate response to your alarming internet presence 

all i know is we had some weird exchange on facebook and you deleted me as a friend

so i’m not really sure about you at all

it’s like reading a really thick russian novel and trying to remember the names of each character

it’s hard to remember the specifics but when i think back

all i feel is general remorse and a vague sadness

some people keep their suffering contained in small towns

and some venture off to spread it around like disease

decisions, decisions

smoking kitchen spices

when your parents came home early

(i was on crutches and ran out the back door and hid behind the shed)

they didn’t expect to find all their bottles of liquor empty

and their bathroom flooded from

a handful of kids taking a shower together, fully clothed

i don’t really blame them for screaming at you but i still felt bad

believe me, i considered us friends

but right now?

i don’t know,

i don’t want to talk about how we used to be such great friends

or how you have two kids and a husband

it makes me sort of uncomfortable

considering i still remember that time you kissed your brother on the mouth as a joke

do your parents ever think about when $100 worth of Chinese food was delivered to their house for no reason?

they must’ve been pretty mad

i hope they don’t have memories of that

you were probably in the basement that night

watching porn

or playing tony hawk pro skater

anyways

we thought it was a funny prank

the chinese food place is probably shut down

so there is no way for me to pay for that now,

unfortunately