Blooper Reel                                                                                         

The difference between how actors laugh in blooper reels

vs. how they laugh as characters? Baudrillard says: it is TV

that renders true. Let the fake laugh stand in for the real.

I got so high I thought I went insane, for a split second

is only interesting if you smoke pot or are insane.

What feeling that looks like. Miguel mocks me, saying:

you sound like you should be on a television show, meaning

my real life is so believable it should be art.

My ex was so good in bed I was embarrassed

how loud I was and how lazy: I convinced myself

he liked it and got him to agree. Now I masturbate

and think of our intimacy, how dirty.

When I meet a couple, I always imagine them

stuck together like insects, struggling

to get inside and outside the body. It’s true,

I want sex. But I never leave the house for it.

A History of Sex 

My ex covered my mouth like Serrano’s

A History of Sex. It felt like he could break

my neck. I didn’t know, what was I 

supposed to do? A boy, pretending a man

lay in bed with me. Pray. God won’t let you be

gay. Mom pulled me against her body.

In Man to Man: a History of Gay Photography

the models get more naked, more gay.

Page 77: Roger is perfect—sailor-shirtless,

then sailor-naked, only a hat to cover him.

Mapplethorpe hung a dick from the open fly

of a three-piece suit. Hujar captured a man

leaning back with his erection. Hervé Guibert

photographed fingers pressed—slightly blurred—

against a chest. I needed little more than that.

James Bidgood lit men into sparkle. Alex Aleixo

collaged a tatted god behind Liz Taylor. Duane

Michals cropped a torso with a treasure trail.

My grandfather was a preacher and prayed

over me. My mom’s breasts were warm as clothes

from the dryer. Warhol rendered men with primary

colors. When I had sex with my ex, I watched

planes cross inside the frame the skylight made.