you're so many hitchhikers

my shoes still on
when i open up
to someone else
ghosts knocking
books off shelves
i say hello and look
down again
into thin lines cast
across white waters
and wite-out like a
snow crested peak
but not as pretty
like a long drive but
i’m tired i smoke
cigarettes drink
cheap coffee
to stay alive
on highway 5
the rain rains
i’m running away
again on hwy 5
hawks dive down
like rain too
when will we
make it there
when will the bark
fall off like a scab
you scratched
you smoothed
the prints
like the phone is
a mirror social media
the reflection today
i have no body
yesterday i had no
body i chose to live
life like a car or a
pop song about cars
the same rhythm
on repeat the same
words echoing
i wasn't lying
when i said it
the first time
i knew it i wasn't
lying any other
time but time has
a sense of humor
let's not judge it
let's not argue
i want to be
an umbrella
when it's sunny
outside i pull weeds
i make a bracelet
out of grass
i tie myself
to the sky
hopeful it will
finally fulfill
its promise i’m sorry
i broke mine
can i use yours
can i complicate
our relationship
with symbols of
forgiveness
of wanting to love
the self but not
knowing how
can i tell you
how i really feel
without dents
in the table
my door cracked
open closing a way
when i don't want
you it becomes
about you less
than what i want
to think thinking
of you is like
thinking of nothing
doing nothing
everything else
intensified in the
nothingness i wait
for my shoelaces
to dry i wait
for snow to melt
the grass stands
like i still mean
something to you
like i can be more
than limbs bent in
summer like i can be
more than a text sent
to someone else
imagine feet moving
in circles of light
down the highway
you fly
i turn on my blinker
ready to pull over
into that town with
the cheapest gas
i’m able to
afford stopping

everyday's a long walk

i challenge my body
wearing all white
i lay down
only to need to sit up
i lay down i wish i was
my own alarm
that nightmares feat. us
didn't start the morning
somehow next to me
sliding over i hit snooze
i avoid what hurts
i avoid spills not eating
not writing rn my body
refuses to move i’m
listening to atmospheres
with permission i seal
pillowy envelopes drop
them off on my way to
work i see more men
wanting to be run over
i wonder if they're
also online
most of the time i'm not
but it feels like i can see
everyone when
my mouth is open
my hands moving
time in a steady rotation
i'm still rolling my eyes
i'm not proud of myself
but the spirits are
making it snow
their presence
my energy wanting
to lie i stare into a cup
down at my feet
the end of the street
a sweet shop
the liquor store
around the curve
the blood between
my legs before
a long walk
i don't care
i don't want to leave
i'll always be eighteen
like a hawk
i see in the dark
the sun shining
wasn’t shining
the sun isn't shining
so i'm trying to
it's not that hard to
it's actually pretty
easy to
pull up
my sleeve
bear country usa
i'm planning a trip
to go there
thru the snow
i wear all black
trying to stand out