Some context, an uncle passes away in his sleep and is found by his 2 younger sons. Uncle 1) sleeps naked 2) is apparently the most hung man in town. The littlest yells for help before his older brother can do anything sensible like cover uncle’s dick that’s at attention from rigor mortis. The podunk townspeople start arriving at the small house. 

Cell phones are new and news spreads. Spreads so fast they call the rich auntie and tell her her brother’s dead. So fast other people call New Jersey and tell middle sister her little brother’s dead too. The sisters that would normally call each with a lot of grace, get the news from a couple of assholes. Anyway, life goes on and rich auntie calls the coroner but Mr body bags can’t reach the dead body. Too many people so rich auntie grabs a gun and heads to uncle’s house. By this time, older daughters; 3 girls, are crying and can’t get through to their dad so rich auntie fires rounds into the air to disperse the crowd and make a path. She finds the townsladies trying to manually revive him the wrong way, not a way they want to see their little brother. For some dignity, she turns the dead body ass up after worrying the weight might crush his dick and then remembering he’s already dead. Luckily, the coroner arrives soon but not before the crowd doubles. 

Somehow, the universe made all this possible through prepaid flip phones with no cameras. Everyone knew but no one had pictures. Hallelujah. They arrive the next day to shell shocked family with nervous middle sister (I.e. mentally fragile) and they’re met with suspicious stares. The aunties, newly widowed and his other sisters Mrs rich and Mrs angry, have to tell middle sister through tears why the town looked at them funny. 

Suddenly, it made sense why the couple had 5 kids back to back in such a small house. They couldn’t help themselves. They arranged the novenas, 9 days of mass and prayer that hilariously unite the cousins. Valentine’s Day becomes forever consecrated.