There is a War between Words and Things. Armies are on opposite sides of a River called Speech.

Words throws the first spear at Things, gashes a Thing in the head who falls down dumbly, tongue out like an idiot.

“Stupid Thing!” says one of the Words, while the big army of Words cheers triumphantly.

One of the Words starts dancing around like at an outdoor music festival.

Then it gets slapped on its ass by another Word completely covered in Shiny armor. “Hey! Who the fuck are you?”

The Shiny armored Word runs away but the dancer Word chases after it.

Finally it catches it and rips off the helmet.

“*gasp!* You’re not a Word! You’re a Thing! I hate Things! I feel violated.”

A crowd of Words forms around.

“Look it’s a Thing.”

“psst psst psst hey look, hey look, hey hey hey blahblahblahblah.”

The Thing army stands on the other side kind like, “hey what about us and the War?”

“I…I’m not a Thing. I’m what happens when a Rock…talks.”

One of the Words goes, “Yeah right! Bullshit! Rocks can’t talk!”

“Wait, let me explain. Rocks can talk, but it’s not Words or Things. It’s something else. Something better.”

“What the hell is better than Words?” yells a Word. “This Thing is an idiot!”

Things on the other side of the River go, “hey we’re the best! Everythiiiiing!”

“No, there’s something more…and it’s me…I ooze out of Rocks. Sometimes I’m a Cartoon. But actually I’m even more than that.”

The War is over. This ends it.

Then, One of the Things picks up a Rock and slams another Thing in the head hard. Thingacide. They rip each other apart like animals.

Words are just solemn and depressed, laying around, abject and defeated.

A Stick that was glued to another Stick shakes one of the depressed Words laid across the ground.

“Come on Words. You’re important. Look at me. I’m just a Stick glued to another Stick but do you see me moping around? Yes, you have awesome power. But you aren’t everything. And that’s okay. Maybe it’s better this way.”

A Word glued on top of a Thing is licking a Burp that has Milk inside of it.

It’s being filmed by Captain Namey or Name, for short.

One of the Words goes, “I used to be a Thing, or, on the side of Things, but I felt more like I was inside of Things than Thing itself, like the inside, but then I came back to myself, and that was a Word. I’ve always been drawn to Words. I don’t get Things. I am a Word. Even though I was inside of a Thing. I feel better. I’m like a Thing-Word, Word-Thing, Inside-a-Thing, Inside-Thing, Not a Thing. I like Things…I’m a Word. You can put me on a Thing. I was like a Thing holding its breath and now I breath because I am a Word.”

A Thing that is listening on a raft in the River of Speech:

“Come, hold my hand.” 

The Word swims over and holds its hand. The Word finds Thing’s solidness attractive. 

“There’s no way to get through you.” 

And they buzz and forget what they are.