lying on my back
over crinkly white tissue paper
on a table too short for a man my size
the urologist is taking his time
after his medical assistant was adamant over the phone
that i be there thirty minutes early for the vasectomy
i think he’s probably in his office
at his desk in front of a wall
stacked with diplomas
giving him license
to halt future generations
from being thrown into the system
but no
he walks in
fully prepped
a sterile tray of instruments sits next to me
i forgot to mention all this time
my balls are hanging out
he explains the part which hurts the most is the numbing shot
and it does
hurt
feels like an oversized hornet drilling into me
until I don’t feel a thing
the procedure
i can only describe
as someone working under the hood of your car
and you’re in the cab
you don’t feel a thing
just a bunch of clanging around
my wife and i talked extensively
it would be much easier for me to do this
than for her to be opened up in an operating room
insurance has no problems with covering this
and who knows why they do what they do
they’ll cover Viagra
but not birth control
Sarah McLachlan sings from the urologist’s phone
about being in an angel’s arms
the lights are dim
and i’m wondering if he has something else planned
but just as I’m about fall asleep
it’s over
he hands me instructions
no sex
no jump roping
no weight lifting
absolutely no jerking off
for a week
got it
i haven’t done any of that stuff since having our last one
after we decided not to have any more
i waddle past the other men in the waiting room
with their significant others
looking up at me with eyes like dogs
who’ve humped too many pillows
and now it’s time to pay the price
i watch a western that night
imagining Dad sitting next to me
like when i was a kid
all those cowboys
bouncing with a saddle between their legs
i’m surprised any children were born at all back then
and he’d say that was before they knew to pull out
it doesn’t matter anymore
the ship of baby showers and birthing classes has sailed
the late night bottle feedings every two hours
when it was just the two of you
and you’d start to doze
then they’d squirm
startling you awake
with a swaddle of muslin unraveling in your hand
as if you’re pulling it out of a magician’s pocket
wondering when this trick will be over
and he’s grinning at you
like it’s best you don’t know.
