Arts Grant Proposal: Uncountably Infinite

In this piece, the sculptor will sculpt herself sculpting. To do so the artist must use a tryptic mirror which will allow the artist to view herself sculpting, but since this is the only way to view herself, she must sculpt what is in the mirror by creating a series of smaller sculptures moving outward at the inverse angles of the mirror to infinity, a countable infinity since each reflection could be represented as a whole number on a number line. But to stay as true as possible the sculptor must also move the mirror as she sculpts therefore each point on the number line between the first and second interval must have an infinite number of intermediary points, .01. .001. .0001. making each progression uncountably infinite, which, if you can conceive of this, must by logic be a larger type of infinity. The project will never be completed, of course, and will exist after the death of the sculptor as a set of parameters in an advanced super computer model that will show the forward moving aspect of the piece as spherical in nature, but the rear evolving aspect of the piece as conical since the sculptor would need an extra dimension to see herself sculpting from behind.

Arts Grant Proposal: What You Did to Me Bethany

In this piece, the artist will build twenty-five very small coffins ranging in size from four inches to ten inches in length. The coffins will be black and shaped with a hexagon top with the bottom right and left side stretching double the length of the top to the bottom of the hexagon: the classic coffin shape. All the coffins will be painted a glossy black, but their plush, padded interiors will be of different colors, burgundy, cream, paisley, and other dignified patterns suiting the occasion. The interiors will be hand stitched and buttoned in the Chesterfield style. Holes will then be drilled into the bottom panel of the coffins and different men will stick their erect penises through the holes. The penises in the coffins will then be photographed, made into prints of various sizes and hung on the walls of a small gallery. The piece will not be a success unless Bethany attends.

Arts Grant Proposal: Closed Circuit

In this piece, a group of children will be encouraged to tape foreign coins to their heads and then describe what super powers they have acquired. Next, a man wearing a sign that reads “bureaucrat” will pour a bucket of water on a goat. The two scenes will be intercut into a brief television show that will only be shown to dental patients just coming out of anesthesia.