Rebecca Howe

But we are all going to marry plumbers in the end. This was all I wanted from you: the ability to fix my pipes when they run.

The definition of beautiful can also be found under the term pliable, like, “I want to fuck her so maybe she will fall over backwards for me.” A new woman walks into the bar. She is not new in that she portrays the contemporary, but as in these men have never seen her before. The key description is, to worm oneself inside. Worm is a verb indicative of a person who must pry themselves away from a barstool.

A loser could imply a person who drops thing a lot. The keys, spare change, a credit card. A person without ties to keep their mittens on their jacket, their shoes on their feet. This is what losers do, they leave things behind.

Benjamin Franklin’s wife rubbed his paper fingers all over her body, saying, "I’ve got you now, Sweet Baby, I’ve got you now.” To have a lot of things means only that: you have a lot of things. 

There is nothing wrong with things. I have many things that I like.

The term silver spoon today is also used to describe someone who may not have been born into wealth, but instead has opportunities presented at them which could lead to wealth on a frequent basis. For awhile, I had no metal spoons and had to use plastic. This is the sort of person she was, born with a plastic spoon in her mouth.

At the darkest hour, it is improbable that a British man with billions of dollars will waltz into your office and save you, but it has happened before. People use the term saving liberally. One person can be pulled from an ocean full of sharks. Another can be saved with a diamond necklace, which is not to say they are not in the ocean.

There are all sorts of tools that can be used for opening. This is one of the advantages of having many belongings: some of your things may help you use your other things. They tried, but pliers wouldn’t work on her. This is one of the scary parts of living alone: what if I never get into this jar of pickles?

Sam Malone

Women composed of stars. A number that cannot be counted. Blinked out when the lights come on at night. They are kept in a little black book and like the sky, these bodies distance themselves when they get too close.

The joke is that he could never save you. The punch line being that his name was May Day. Pitchers don’t run bases, but he did until long after his baseball career was over.

The joke is that he owned a bar and didn’t drink. The punch line being that he’ll still serve you later.

Some men have wives and some men have bars and it should be asked what is easier to grab onto. Alcohol is a depressant and tries all sort of ways to root the body to the floor.

A bartender is someone who tends to the space between this line and that. There are limits as to what can cross.

On the field, his job was to pick up where others have left off. This is where he finds her: standing in the bar open ended.

This is a great love story or this is a parody of what writers think love is.

The iconic disaster that doesn’t die at the end. He tries to drown his love at sea. First by throwing her out of the boat and sailing back to shore. Then, when she forsakes him completely, he goes down with the wreckage.

Summary: A man who is no longer famous sleeps with many women and in the end is alone and without love.

Summary: A man loves his hair, but can only extend himself so far out to other people and this is limited to a specific body part.

Summary: Man-child forced to serve drinks to married friends while only consuming water and one-night stands.

He drinks the drink, but it was never poisonous enough for death.

The joke is that he cannot articulate his feelings. The punch line being that there is nothing else there.

You wonder: How can we be together if they are not?

Diane Chambers

She wanted a novel and a baseball player. She liked collectables, things made of paper that can be stacked. 

Spend enough time in a slum and you’re no longer slumming, but residing. When you move to a new state, you have thirty days to change over your license, thirty days to indicate that a sort of change has taken place. Unfortunately, no one takes graduate school dropout for being under twenty-one.

In another life, she could’ve been a dancer. Another career that breaks feet. Ballerinas use bars to stretch their legs out on and it was true that she worked at one. She would’ve called this a homonym and no one would’ve cared.

She was dropped off by a professor. This is how it happens. You read something and end up somewhere else entirely that you can never understand. Most of what a field is involves defining what a field is. Most of a bar is wood, but that doesn’t make the definition any easier.

It is a stereotype that writers are good at pouring drinks. It could be suggested that she had taken that too literally.

He wasn’t very smart, but she already had her own brain.

When people struggle, they label it as building character, as if something good is composed of nothing. When writers struggle, they label it as building a novel even if they aren’t doing any writing and instead are doing a lot of drinking.

Someone with many promising rejections understands how to leave a man at the altar in Italy.