WEDNESDAY

got off the airplane, spencer landed like an hour ago. either he is in the airport waiting to share a cab back to the HTML giant house with me or he already took a bus there.

spencer responded to my text, he's at a bar somewhere with richard chiem and frances dinger and another guy who i don't remember the name of. he said something about having run into them on the street. he sounded very drunk. he's probably had like 2 beers.

i'm on a cool train from the airport going to this bar.

i'm off the cool train, spencer's phone died, i'm dragging my suitcase up a big hill, gonna find this bar.

people who were at the bar when i arrived: spencer madsen, richard chiem, frances dinger, alexander allison (he was the guy who i couldn't remember the name of earlier, he is very british), michael seidlinger, janey smith (i think he came with ~2-4 girls who i didn't catch the names of), cameron pierce… there were definitely other people there but i can't remember who… everyone was really nice seeming.

i chugged a beer at the bar. the bar was called 'pike [something]'.

i feel drunk from 1 beer. normally i don't get drunk that easily. i haven't eaten today.

spencer, richard, frances, alexander and i walked to a place that serves tiny hamburgers. i am eating 2 tiny hamburgers and fries.

frances said interesting things about how amazon is bad for independent book stores.

i expressed wanting to smoke weed. richard said he had weed and we could smoke it when we got back to their apartment.

spencer, richard, frances, alexander and i walked from the tiny burger place to richard and france's apartment. alexander rolled my suitcase there for me. alexander seems very polite and good at small talk. i don't know anything about british accents but his accent sounds like its from a place where people are polite and good at small talk.

alexander told me about his job, which i feel incapable of describing but seemed interesting and 'adult'. like, he probably gets a salary and healthcare and vacation days.

the lobby of richard and frances' apartment looks like the dorms from that show 'zooey 101'

richard and frances have a really great cat. her name is is zoe. they adopted her from a shelter. she was an 'anorexic teen mom', according to frances.

here is a picture of richard in a bear mask petting zoe that i found on frances' facebook:

richard and i are going to smoke weed in the bathroom. we can't smoke weed in the living room because there are smoke detectors, or something. nobody seems to want weed besides me and richard.

richard said 'take a seat' and pointed to the toilet. i sat on the toilet and he sat on the edge of the bathtub. we smoked weed out of a glass one-hitter pipe thing. i told richard i liked his book 'you private person' a lot and he said he also liked my book. he told me he was happy about the piece i submitted to him for fanzine even though it wasn't what he asked for.

i'm very high now

i'm petting the cat. i keep saying 'stereotypical stoned person' things about how much better life would be if i were a cat.

spencer said 'you're high' and i said 'i'm incredibly high, yeah'

were going up to the roof

the roof has a really dope view of seattle

theres an ominous seeming security guard on the roof

frances pointed out an office building across the street that is, apparently, the most environmentally friendly office building in the world. she said something about there being compost in the toilets. 

here is a photo i took of the most environmentally friendly office building in the world:

alexander's dad is driving us back to the HTML giant house, where spencer and i are both staying.

we got lost but now he seems confident that he knows where he's going.

we're lost again.

spencer gave directions from the map on his phone. were going the right way now.

ja rule is playing loudly in the house. i don't think anybody is here...

theres a foosball table.

the hot tub is steaming.

i keep thinking about those tim and eric vodka commercials with zach galifianakis where he's like 'THE HOT TUB IS TOO HOT'… do you guys know what I'm talking about…

there appears to be at least ~5 bedrooms but probably more. 2 of the rooms were locked. some of the rooms had suitcases in them.

i found a room thats full of mirrors. gene morgan told me there would be a 'selfie room'. the lighting in the selfie room seems too bright and makes me look horrifying. heres a selfie i took in the selfie room:

spencer and i found a room with a bunk bed in it. we have been platonically sleeping in a bed together for the past month. we realized that if we didn't claim our rooms now, we would probably get stuck with the bunk beds. spencer said 'first person to put their shit in the room with the giant bed gets it' and we both ran with our bags towards the room with the giant bed. he got to the room with the giant bed first. i put my stuff in a room that had a flat screen TV and a huge bed/couch hybrid thing with a lot of pillows.

i think i got the better room anyways.

yo, theres a giant fucking moose toy on the only bed thats not in a room with a door. what the fuck. this moose is insane. why is this here

i asked spencer 'did you see the giant insane moose' and he said 'what giant moose' and i took him upstairs and showed him the giant insane moose. he said 'that is an insane moose'. i hugged the moose. i asked spencer to take a photo of me hugging the moose but my position seemed weirdly sexual and unflattering so i deleted the photo.

gene morgan arrived with amy mcdaniel and john dermot woods. gene is wearing a basketball jersey and shorts and his boots are untied. he is smoking an e-cigarette.

amy complimented me on my nails. gene said 'i wanna see those hot ass nails!'. i showed them both my nails.

we all decided to get in the hot tub but nobody put on their bathing suit besides amy. amy walked around in her bathing suit for like half an hour before anyone got motivated enough to get in the hot tub.

spencer, gene and john all went in their underwear.

spencer, gene and i are going to the grocery store for beer.

we put beer and assorted muffins in our cart.

we debated buying oreos. spencer said 'you can't eat oreos, right mira' and i said 'i can't eat them if there is cacao in it'. gene said 'oh, you're allergic to coconut?'. spencer and i both laughed for a long time and gene looked confused. i said 'you think cacao is an abbreviation for coconut?' then gene said 'yeah' and we laughed more. gene said 'OH are you allergic to chocolate?' and i said 'yes'.

gene said 'I can't understand these damn foreign grocery stores' (we're in seattle, gene is from texas)

adam robinson arrived (~1:30AM)

 

THURSDAY

i'm in bed, is anyone awake, i woke up earlier and heard people moving around but i think they went to the book fair. spencer and gene and i don't have tickets to the book fair. we just came for the hot tub.

i found gene downstairs on his computer. he said everyone else went to the book fair already.

i explained to gene that spencer has been waking me up every morning in really irritating ways. he turns all the lights on, pokes me really aggressively, takes my blankets, etc. gene and i went into spencer's room and played the 'crazy frog' song loudly on gene's iphone speakers while i jumped on the bed.

we gonna go grocery shopping

gene put 50 eggs in the cart… 50… gene is buying 50 eggs…

there are so many eggs… what the fuck

we arrived back at the house. timothy sanders is asleep on the couch. tim woke up and immediately told us that his friend could deliver us weed at 8pm.

were gonna go eat pho now.

while we ate pho, tim told us everything he had eaten that day, which i think included a mcdonalds breakfast sandwich, candy and 2 kinds of pastries.

[GENE, TIM AND I SPENT THE NEXT ~8 HOURS WAITING FOR WEED TO ARRIVE. NOTHING INTERESTING HAPPENED DURING THOSE 8 HOURS BESIDES THAT WE ORDERED $120 WORTH OF PIZZA]

the weed arrived. I've had something like ~15 beers today. i can't stop drinking beers

we smoked a blunt in the hot tub. a lot of people are here now.

people who are smoking weed in the hot tub: me, gene morgan, tim sanders, amelia grey, adam robinson, amy mcdaniel, my friend chris who sometimes goes by 'oscar', james ganas, john dermot woods, brooks serrit.

melissa broder, scott mcclanahan and juliet escoria arrived. there are other people here too. i don't know everyone's names.

someone brought the moose downstairs. i feel 'obsessed' with the moose. i can't stop touching the moose and talking about the moose.

i announced to the party that i would be bringing the moose into my room tonight. i want 'alone time' with the moose.

here are some photos of people with the moose:

moose performing a sex act on tim

gene tenderly embracing the moose

spencer doing something unseemly to the moose

i'm back in my room. spencer is sleeping on the other side of the bed/couch hybrid thing now. tim took the big bed. tim is very tall.

feel immediate regret about bringing the moose into my bed. the moose suddenly seems massive and unseemly. i am afraid of what kind of perverted things this moose might be capable of.

 

FRIDAY

i woke up to gene bursting through my bedroom door playing the 'crazy frog' song again, with tim and spencer behind him. tim jumped on my bed and danced with the giant moose toy. i think spencer filmed it.

today an event called 'brunch ranch' is happening. people are coming to the HTML giant house to see a few people read and get a complimentary brunch. there are menus. everything sounded delicious. gene is making eggs, amy is cooking everything else.

i drank ~3-5 cups of coffee while helping amy cook things. now I'm drinking beer (~10AM).

so far, amy has made: 5 quiches, 3 giant bowls of salad, granola with dark chocolate and bourbon soaked dried cherries and vanilla yogurt with berries.

i can't believe gene bought 50 eggs… did he really think he was going to be able to cook 50 eggs… theres so much food…

i'm drinking a mimosa now

i'm drinking another mimosa

amy made something called 'tatchos' which is tater tots with nacho cheese, sour cream and jalapeños on top. i can't stop eating them.

the tatchos are a hit

I've had 4 mimosas

melissa, spencer, chris and i all went upstairs to the room spencer and i were sleeping in. we are cuddling with the moose now, who suddenly seems like a comforting presence.

brad listi called me. i yelled about being drunk then handed the phone to other people. you can listen to the conversation here

[SPENT ~3-5 HOURS SMOKING WEED AND GOING IN THE HOT TUB AND DRINKING BEERS AND EATING FOOD WHILE WE WAITED FOR LITERATURE PARTY, WHICH IS A PARTY THAT GENE HOSTED ALONG WITH A LOT OF OTHER PRESSES]

gene, tim, spencer and i arrived at the place where literature party is being hosted. nobody is here yet. there is a giant wolf face being projected on the wall. the DJs are doing cool things with their DJ set-up.

heres a picture:

spencer, chris, james ganas and i left to get coffee

back at the party now. people are starting to arrive.

i walked past noah cicero on my way to the bar. he screamed 'MIRA GONZALEZ' louder than i have ever heard someone scream my name. i hugged him and said 'hi noah', or something. in retrospect, a better response would have been to scream 'NOAH CICERO' but i didn't have the presence of mind to do that.

i bought tim whiskey at the bar. tim said 'i think noah likes you'.

tried to convince spencer to take tequila shots with me but he wouldn't

tried to convince chris to take tequila shots with me but he wouldn't

are people not taking tequila shots with me because i seem too drunk and they don't want to enable me, or do people not like tequila anymore

i am peeing, on average, ~6 times per hour

the bartender knows my drink now after going to the bar and saying 'i want the cheapest beer you have' like, a lot of times

melissa broder is reading now

sommer browning is reading now

amelia gray is reading now

readings are over now

i ran into a guy named joshua who runs 'the newer york' magazine who spencer and i hung out with in LA recently. his hair seems different than i remember it… has his hair always looked like that… good hair

i met kelly schirmann. she makes music with sam pink. i like their music. kelly is taller than i imagined her. people tell me that I'm taller than they imagined me a lot also. i didn't tell kelly that she is taller than i imagined her because people probably tell her that a lot.

I'm in a weird tiny room with melissa broder, kelly schirmann, noah cicero and other people who i don't know the names of. melissa and i can't stop talking about the moose.

i just screamed about the moose for like 10 minutes

i'm drunker than i think i am

now i'm just writing things so i can remember them for my hobart article but i dont think I'm writing anything important or interesting

melissa made a twitter account for the moose https://twitter.com/moose_lyfe

i think this is going to be the part of the article where i stop making sense

kelly and i are vaguely looking for coke

the mellow pages guys are here, i saw both of them, i think

it would be funny if the mellow pages guys aren't here and i just found two people who look kind of similar to them but thought it was them because I'm drunk

just confirmed with spencer, mellow pages guys are here.

a guy asked me for drugs. i told him i had no drugs and to tell me if he finds any drugs

spencer and i left the party without saying goodbye to a lot of people because we thought that if we started saying goodbye to people then we would never leave.

i'm in matt nelson's car with spencer and chris (matt nelson is one of the mellow pages guys, jacob perkins is the other one)

we are aggressively telling matt and chris that they're beautiful

matt is taking us to get burritos

eating burritos in a mexican place that looks like a KFC. my burrito has really interesting cheese.

spencer said 'my burrito has interesting cheese' and i said 'mine too' and got really excited. i mentioned that i had eaten interesting cheese earlier in the day, on the tater tot nachos i had at brunch. i kept saying 'i had so many types of interesting cheese today' and feeling earnestly grateful for how interesting all the cheese i had today was. i was half way between laughing and crying.

matt drove back to the house

[EVERYONE ELSE WHO WAS STAYING AT THE HOUSE ARRIVED, ALONG WITH ~10 OTHER PEOPLE WHO I MOSTLY DIDN'T RECOGNIZE]

mike young is fiending for weed

i appreciate mike young's aggressive pursuit of weed because that means i will eventually get to smoke weed without aggressively having to pursue weed

i found weed in the 'selfie room'

we smoked weed in the hot tub

ok so there is this guy on the couch, he is asleep and making really insane noises. like, he's snoring incredibly loudly, but like, in his throat and his nose. his snoring is so loud we can hear it over the music and so aggressive that his entire body moves every time he breathes in.

various people are progressively moving the moose closer to sleeping guy

it seems like… nobody here knows the sleeping guy… i've asked a lot of people about sleeping guy and nobody knows who he is

adam robinson claimed to know who sleeping guy was. he said loudly and confidently 'i know who he is, he is my friend, i met him an hour ago'. i don't think adam knew sleeping guy's name.

here is adam with sleeping guy and moose:

here is moose sitting on spencer and spencer sitting on sleeping guy:

okay so i don't know how to explain this really but there is this guy here, his name is edmond, he is getting really close to my face when he talks. like really really close. he isn't wearing pants for some reason. everyone else is wearing pants but edmond is wearing a shirt and a sports coat and boxer shorts. he won't stop being extremely close to my face.

while i was typing [previous thing] edmond tapped me on the shoulder and i turned around and he was like 3 inches from my face and he asked 'are you a professional writer' and i said 'i dont know'

i told spencer edmond was being weird

spencer introduced himself to edmond. edmond was being weird to spencer also. edmond got really close to spencer's face

spencer and i told adam about weird edmond. adam said something like 'I'm gonna out-weird this guy'

adam put his face really close to edmond's face

adam has somehow convinced edmond to read one of my poems out loud

adam keeps interrupting edmond's reading and screaming 'EDMOND WROTE THIS POEM' and john dermot woods keeps saying 'technically spencer owns this poem'. john isn't as loud as adam.

here is a video:

http://miratortilla.tumblr.com/post/78269002438

edmond stopped reading and now an aggressive seeming tall attractive girl got close to my face and told me 'you own that poetry, that poetry is yours, dont let these men tell you that they own your poetry'. i said something like 'i like it when men take credit for my work' and she seemed upset. i said 'okay its my poetry, i wrote it'. she told me she was pan-sexual then bought a copy of my book from spencer and made me sign it in lipstick.

amy came downstairs at some point, she seemed tired and confused then went back upstairs

aggressive girl went home with edmond… i think they might be married, or something…

 

SATURDAY

awake in bed, its 1pm, i was awake until 5am last night

spencer told me that after i fell asleep last night, adam became convinced that there was a trap door under the carpet in the living room and tried to pull the carpet up, to reveal the trap door. brooks serritt was also involved. john ran into amy as he walked upstairs to go to sleep and told her that adam was trying to pull up the carpet because he thought there was a trap door. amy, apparently, went downstairs and told adam that there was no trap door and he needed to stop trying to destroy the carpet, at which point adam told amy that it was brooks' fault.

gene is making eggs. there are so many eggs left. why did gene buy so many eggs

gene said that the sleeping guy was still there when he woke up this morning. he offered the sleeping guy eggs. sleeping guy didn't want eggs.

tim told me that he hurt his back badly and asked me if i had any pain killers. i told him i had xanax and valium. i gave him a valium

tim took the valium ~10 minutes ago, he said 'i feel good' then immediately fell asleep

i ate pizza and drank a beer immediately after eating an egg that gene made, then called a cab to drive me to the airport