DAVID

The door buzzed and I put pants on and answered, hugging Devin before letting her in, avoiding eye contact. When she said what up I didn’t respond and pretended to be looking for my keys and my wallet, which were in my pocket. Does the computer work? she asked, pointing to my white plastic Mac Book. I said yes, it did, that I updated it and broke the sound card. She asked what a sound card is, and I didn’t know so I offered to fix it before we left and she said okay. But I also didn’t know how to do that and said my other computer could be better.

I found my passport like I needed it and showed it to Devin so she knew we could go and opened the other computer to photobooth. My camera reel was full of selfies I'd taken with my ex and her dog. I noticed and played it naturally, focusing on the record button, trying to control Devin’s gaze. I recognized my face and Devin’s face staring back at me. We looked nervous, but played it cool. I clicked record and we were live.

Cradling the laptop, we walked out of the apartment. The laptop felt delicate and embarrassing in my hands. I held it up to Devin and asked what the plan was. Devin said To Supreme: first the Kratom store and then to Supreme. I told her we should tell people this was a movie we were making for our Master’s thesis at Parsons. I thought of it because she was getting her Master’s soon and I’d prob never do that. She said it was a good idea.

The Kratom store felt like a doctor's office. A guy in a white shirt and jeans next to a slumped woman attended to us. We’re noobs, we said. What do you recommend? He said green was the most mellow, yellow was kind of intense and not for us. It was the first one he tried tho; he’s built different, but we’d like the white one, he said. He liked using it to make art and be more creative. We said white is good, since we are making a movie for our graduate thesis. Creativity is important because if we failed it we wouldn’t graduate.

How do you take it? Devin asked. He said we could mix the powder in the water or buy a premixed tall boy can. Devin whispered that if we dosed it ourselves we’d OD and not go to the Supreme store. He said we could only drink 1/3 of the tall boy so 2/3 between the two of us. That left 1/3 of the Kratom. I wondered why they sold it like that since most people would waste 2/3 and thought about doing some Mr Beast thing where I drink a bunch of Kratom doses and give the run off to homeless people.

I was nervous about the implication of sitting next to Devin at the park and went into content mode. At one point while we were crossing the street a car drove up and I let Devin go and the car passed. I stood there for a second, thinking how dramatic this was, that without context the viewers would think something happened between me and Devin and would feel more invested in the film. She turned around soon, and I hopped back to her, explaining my thoughts, not considering why I had given up so quickly.

At our bench in Washington Square Park I told Devin you can’t die from Kratom. I wanted the audience to see everything, pointing the laptop around. I again told Devin that no one ever died from Kratom, that on Reddit someone said it was impossible to die from Kratom because it worked differently from Heroin. I also told her that most people thought it was full of heavy metals and salmonella because it was unregulated. We settled on a row of benches near the middle in the shade, across from the lawn where half naked NYU students gripped copies of the Stranger and Fear and Trembling and other things people have read.

Sitting on the bench, I rested the laptop on my lap, letting it stare at the fountain. Cracking the can, Devin asked how many sips 1/3 of a can was and I said 16 sips, because 16 is half of 32oz. Devin lost count after 3, but I meticulously counted mine, doing more like gulps. I read the ingredients out loud, holding onto the can longer than appropriate, maybe so Devin wouldn’t drink so much.

Devin kept looking at me and I didn’t want to look back so I woke the sleeping laptop. The sun sat atop our heads like halos, neither Devin nor I a solid outline of each other, instead a conjoined amoebic blob of light. I started to feel drug mushy. I wanted to hide but I was melting. The contradiction was unbearable and I stayed in my seat, flipping the computer back to face the park. Do you feel anything? I asked urgently. She said she didn’t really or couldn’t tell. How is that possible? I asked. You took 16 sips, right? I guess my sips were too small, she said. We described the taste as pretty good; earthy until, for a second, chemicals. I wondered if I was partially reacting to salmonella in the drink, making me panic. I drew a graph with my hands in the air that resembled the uncanny valley chart, which didn’t make any sense and we fell into silence.

A homeless guy in the lawn behind us started screeching at a tree. I turned the camera around to capture him from a safe distance, but I couldn’t film him without moving my head in an obvious way. I wasn’t doing a good job making Devin or the viewers happy. Devin pulled out her glasses and I asked her about the big ones she had. She told me that her friend gave them to her to hold on to at a concert or something, but I didn’t understand and started to feel like an empty tool box left outside a shed. I said that out loud. Devin said that was good and I felt witty, so I started to explain why it was good. Devin said she thought I meant I was a tool left outside the shed, and I said no, a tool box, and we dropped it.

Devin touched me a bit and I said we should go to the Supreme store before the Kratom wears off or the store closes. I feel a lot better about filming, I said as we walked through the park. Devin didn’t respond. Now I really don’t care because of the Kratom, I said. Devin said she didn’t feel the same. She felt the laptop was a little awkward to hold, but otherwise it was fine. You’re doing a good job, I said.

We went to try on some glasses, to practice going into a store while on Kratom and because I was making a big deal about glasses and maybe Devin picked up on that I might want hers and was letting me down gently. Being high in a store and trying to be chill made me feel like high school. I wondered if me and Devin would’ve spoken in high school. I thought about the first date I ever went on at the mall. She brought all her friends to follow us. I didn’t touch her once. I wore really gay Sperries.

Realizing we didn’t have a plan after Supreme and would most likely go back to mine, I thought of how to stall so I wouldn’t have to ask what we were doing. I said it might be a good idea to film McNally Jackson and look for books as a side quest. Devin rightfully surmised it would be boring, that books aren’t really interesting and hard to talk about. They weren’t like Supreme we agreed, which actually meant something.

To our surprise there was no line at Supreme. We made sure the computer screen was black. Only the little green eye by the web cam remained. Employees kept whispering you can’t film here. We stayed as we were, not knowing if they were speaking to us, until one came right up to us, saying you can’t film here. I didn’t tell them I was filming my thesis, instead right there I folded, rushing out of the store, Devin running behind. I couldn’t believe they ruined our movie. Devin said she was surprised I didn’t fight. I don’t like how the Kratom makes me feel vulnerable, I said. I would never leave like that normally.

I got really quiet, and said I could eat something, that I had a massive Kratom headache. I felt Kratom angry all the sudden, for being on this pointless journey beholden to our computer baby, which we failed. I felt that Devin was trying to salvage something that I wanted to destroy. I’d been acting mad goofy all day on camera. It made me sick cus in a few months I’d be thirty. I wanted to lie down and go home. Chipotle? she asked. Yeah that would be awesome, I said.

We went to the bar by my house, the one near my house that everyone hates going to because we go there every time we go out. The bartenders are so nice there. We didn’t know if we could drink while on Kratom, and asked AI if we could. I actually had asked AI before but didn’t want to say I had. AI said it was a bad idea; mixing Kratom with beer would be double depressive and we could go to the hospital. I said I had a headache and asked if Devin could go and get the drinks. I wanted a non-alcoholic beer cus my preference is to be normal. She came back with the beer and a Coke for her. Devin can’t drink beer because she is gluten free. It's nice that she always wants to go to bars despite herself.

I drank the beer quickly as I do when I am nervous. I abruptly said it's time to go, reaching for the laptop. It had been asleep the whole time we sat at the bar. Waking it, our stupid faces appeared on screen, before it went black again, dead. It should be fine, I said. These things are smart. Are you sure? Devin asked nervously. I really want to see the footage, I think it’s gonna be good. Yeah, I said. I’m sure.

I went home and charged the computer. The screen came back to life quickly. I opened up photobooth and nothing was there. Just pictures of my ex and her dog.

DEVIN

I texted David from my house about the plan. I wasn't sure if we would go through with it since he woke up late. I was excited to do Kratom and go to Supreme, but I didn't want to push it. I told him I could get it or I could come to his house and we could get it together. I thought it would be good to do it at his house. David seemed nervous about doing it and I was too since I was nervous to vomit. We talked about whether it was important to film buying it or not and he said that it was. I told him we should go to the fancy kratom store nearby.

On the train he texted about whether we should meet at the store or if I was coming to his house. It seemed like he didn't want me to come to his house. I texted that I could do either.

I rang the buzzer and then he texted me coming. I thought that I should have met him at the Kratom store since it seemed like he really didn't want me in his house. After 15 seconds he buzzed the door and let me in. His hair was wet and he was wearing a Red Sox shirt and blue basketball shorts. As soon as the door opened it closed and he walked down the hallway without looking. I felt bad because I thought he wanted to leave quickly and that he didn't want me in his house and was nervous. He talked about how the old computer he wanted to use, the same one Tao Lin used to film mumblecore, was broken. He didn't look me in the eyes or smile and kept looking at the ground.

I asked how long it would take to kick in and he said he didn't know and I googled it and it said in minutes, and lasted a few hours. David said he read that Kratom has lead in it and I asked if all Kratom did and he said probably just some.

We walked in the store and the man walked behind the counter and I held the computer and told him that we wanted to do Kratom but that we never had before and didn't know how. He started pointing at the different strains and asking what kind of vibe we wanted. David answered that he wanted to be classic. I set the computer on the counter and filmed us standing next to each other. David then said we were doing it for our thesis so whatever would be the best for that.

The guy said that Kratom comes from a coffee bean plant. We asked him how to do it and he explained different ways and then showed us Kratom-seltzers that tasted good. We asked him how much to do and he said that a serving was 1/3 of a can. David asked him if he wanted the last 1/3 of the can. The guy said that he couldn't because he was working. He said kiwi strawberry was most popular, and that there was one with more sugar, or no sugar. I picked the sugar one because I like sugar.

David took it and paid for it and I thanked him and walked out and asked David if he wanted to drink it while walking or go somewhere, like the park. He said the park.

We got to a bench and David put the computer on his lap and we opened the can and took sips.

The Kratom tasted really good and sweet. We talked about how to drink 1/3 of the can and David said we could both take 13 sips. I nodded. We were sitting close and would take a sip and hand it back and touch hands. We were smiling at each other. I kept losing count of how many sips I had taken and would ask David and he would remember.

David said that he was feeling the Kratom and I said that I was too.

We smiled and laughed and looked at each other and the park. There were trees and it was sunny and everything seemed calm. His eyes were hurting and I gave him my big sunglasses to wear. I told them they looked nice on him and that he had a huge head.

It made me kind of nervous to do Kratom and sit close, and it was nice, and a ladybug landed on David's tee-shirt collar. I said, there's a lady bug on your shirt, and tried to get it to crawl on my finger by putting my finger on David's shoulder. David was talking to the camera and I touched his neck to try to get the lady bug but it fell onto the torso of his shirt and I tried to pick it up there and then it fell onto his arm which I picked up and showed the camera his arm with the bug on it. I felt a little nervous to touch David but it seemed okay and that it was allowed.

I talked about Kratom being like what I wanted weed to feel like the first time I smoked it. We talked about Kratom being legalized and how it worked since it wasn’t regulated. He asked if people would make more money if it was regulated or not and I said that if it were probably less people would make more money, but that now probably more people made less money, and then explained that a bunch of times, because I thought David didn’t get it. He then turned the camera towards me and asked me to use my hands more to explain.

We had more Kratom and I asked if we should drink it and he said we should each have 4 more sips. I started drinking my sips but kept forgetting how much I sipped and had to ask David to remember how many. David always remembered how many sips I had taken. David took large gulps and I said that he was taking gulps instead of sips and he said that he was.

A homeless man came up and David told him we were drinking Kratom and asked him if he wanted the rest. David turned the computer around to film him and I smiled at him and then became sad because I noticed his arms and face were covered in scabs and cuts and it made me feel like it was a bad idea to give him the Kratom even though he seemed happy.

Later I told David that I had noticed the cuts after and it made me sad and he said that he did too and that he also felt bad giving it to him. It made me feel better because at the time I thought that David didn't care. After we gave him the rest I told David that we should have saved it to give to the employees at Supreme. He said that would have been a better idea and that we should have done that.

We walked to Supreme and talked about how excited we were to go and when we turned the corner I asked David to let me hold the laptop. We walked up the steps and there was a bouncer at the door and we kind of asked if it was okay to go in but not verbally just with our bodies and he said you're good. We walked in and talked and I held the laptop and we touched some shirts. There was a statue in the middle and I turned around the camera and David posed in front of it.

While we were walking around security at the door were talking about not filming and then asked each other if I was on facetime. I walked across the room to ignore them and then a man came up to us and told us we couldn't film in here. We left and walked quickly to the corner and felt hyped up. David said he was sad we got kicked out and couldn't buy anything. I thought about how we kind of got kicked out and how that was cool but felt bad.

We didn't have a plan and then I said we should go to the Stussy store instead and he said that was a good idea and then we started walking. On our way there he said that his stomach hurt and he needed to get some food. He said he needed water first and in the deli I told him to get sparkling water since that would help his stomach and he said he wanted still. I told him sparkling water a bunch of times and then he got one and it seemed like he didn't want to and I realized I shouldn't tell him what to do. I said that I was sorry for saying that.

He said it was okay and talked about when Liam had come to my house and was too fucked up and I kept offering him and David Coca Cola and snack bars and orange juice and insisting that Liam take them all even though it didn’t seem like he wanted to and then Liam said yes and I brought them all out and opened the Mexican Coke and he didn’t drink any.

We then went to Chipotle and got inside and it was small and they didn't have any seats, so we went to the park. We saw a chess table seat but it only had one bench, so we sat close, and I put the computer in front of us and started eating. I kept turning in my seat to face him, and then turning back to face forward. I ate my food slowly since we were talking but David ate fast.

He said it was going to rain soon, and that we should leave. He asked where we should go. I said we could go to a bookstore, or his house, or a bar. I wanted to hang out at his house. He said that we should go to a bar.

We walked there and got inside and I told him I would buy him a drink since he felt bad. He asked if it was bad to drink alcohol on Kratom and I looked it up and it said it was dangerous and not recommended and he said he would have a non-alcoholic beer. I went to the counter and got him a non-alcoholic pilsner and a Coca Cola for me. I brought it to the table and we both sat at the booth bench seat with our backs to the window and put the laptop in front of us. David said that the Kratom made him feel weird and that it made him feel kind of empty and open. I said that it was nice to me but I also felt open. I kept turning in my seat to face him, or face my knees straight, adjusting over and over again, and I felt conscious of how short my shorts were worrying that they were bunching up underneath me and showing my underwear.

David then said that he needed to go home and lay down, and went to check how long the video was. The computer died before he could enter his password and he said the video might not have saved. We left the bar and stood outside under the ledge for a second facing each other. I asked him if he wanted a cigarette and he said no that he needed to go home and lay down. I asked him to tell me if the video saved or not and we hugged and it rained and I walked to the train.

On the train he texted me bro, i can't find it, what the fuck. I replied: no, you're joking, did it not save? Then I thought that maybe he was upset about it, since I was too, and so I thought I'd try to keep it lighthearted, so I texted after: it's okay, we can do another one.